That's right, I do indeed live.  Sadly nothing has changed, aside from the size of my breasts and belly and my ass and my ankles and my feet and my... body.

I found out a few weeks ago that this thing growing in my body and kicking my kidneys is going to be a little boy.  Through very little negotiation and alot of bickering and pissing and moaning about boy names, we have decided to call him Jordan.

I've managed to accumulate a few things for the baby through a few generous handouts, but sadly with no job... getting stuff together is kinda rough and frankly I'm worried about finding everything I need in time.  His father is still in the process of finding stable permanent work which is another bitch session in and of itself.  I got a really cute newborn carseat that was used for maybe all of a month for free from someone on Craigslist and a close friend bought me a kick ass Fisher-Price baby bouncer that vibrates and plays music and such.  I've got about 20 lil newborn and 3-6 month outfits that are so adorable... gotta love Baby Gap... and beyond that... ummm. 

I dream about him nightly, I lay around rubbing my belly alot and worry about his future and try to imagine who he will be.  My boobs are swollen, sting and are getting the crusty crap, it hurts to walk and move and I pee so often I can barely keep up with replenishing the fluids.  Sleeping comes in 2 hour incriments and I do belive I've more luggage 'round my eyes than Louis Vitton.  And somewhere in all this I'm told it's all worth it.  Bee, tell me it's worth it please.

My relationship with the baby's father continues to be a bit rocky and unpredictable, though we had a pretty plesant date last night that followed a horrendous fight.  Then today, another shitty day. *sigh*  I'm too tired to keep trying some days.

Anyhow, small update, more later when my butt doesn't hurt and I'm allowed to use the computer.

And completely unrelated to any of that, tomorrow would have been my 10 year wedding anniversary to the jerk.  I am happy with my new life, so why am I sad about that one little fact?

It's so hard to get these posts in when you are limited to using someone elses computer, and said computer is in thier bedroom.  Sad and shitty fact is, I actually HAVE my own computer now in my room, with no internet connection...I am missing a $7.00 cord. Great.  Anyhow.  For Bee..

So his mother is a Scientologist, hardcore at that.  Her husband is as well, he used to be but at 16 gor his head on straight and figured out what it was really about and that is was not for him.  Ever since then he and his mother have been butting heads on the issue.  It is not for him, he does not believe in it, it's a cult and a bunch of shit.  Anyhow, this opportunity to Alaska came with some conditions he was unaware of, one being he had...HAD to go to Florida to see his mother before he could go on to Alaska to meet up with his step father to work.  Apparently she wanted to evaluate him and see where he stood with Scientology at this point in the game.  He was honest and told her exactly how he felt.  Bad move I guess becuase the woman lost her mind.

It would appear that if one does not like or believe in the validity of Scientology, they are considered an enemy of the church.  He is an enemy of her precious sanctified piece of shit church and therefore would taint and be disruptive to her husband in Alaska.  He was told he could not go, furthermore she wanted him out of her home that same night, with no where for him to go, she was going to drive him back to the airport that night, the same night he arrived, and leave him there to wait almost a full day for his flight to Seattle.

Somehow the bitch had a change of heart or maybe it was the stepfather's doing, who knows, but he was allowed to stay the night, but had to leave the next morning.   So she took him to Orlando, from Clearwater and left him in the airport, with 8 hours to wait for his flight.  His flight from Seattle to Anchorage was re routed to bring him to Portland and now he is here with me.  A little down on spirits, no job but happy nonetheless that we are together rather than having to go 5 months apart.  I have applied for welfare and am well on my way to being another statistic of state and government moochers.  My mother would be so proud.

My belly is gorwing like a weed and were I not so fat, would actually show that I am pregnant.  But, if you place your hand just below my bellybutton, you can feel it.  It's kinda cool.  Soon as I can secure some form of shitty healthcare, I'll let ya know if it's a little princess or a little frog.